I've been mustering everything willpower I have inside me not to tear.
Its really so hard, so so hard to go about your daily activities when your heart is bleeding every minute.

Albeit you trying to concentrate on the task at hand, you are aware that there is something significant that is missing inside your heart. N that feeling is so strong, it is really hard to ignore.
Tho a huge part of you wants to go to him and beg him not to let you go, but you know that once the faith is gone, nothing you do will be able to salvage that.

I just thought that the love we had for each other was so strong, something that bystanders cannot understand. Never did I think that the promise that we had for each other was taken so lightly. "I'll love and stay with you till you're old and gray", he says. But now, he's choosing to let it go.

Tho I try hard to not think about it, memories just flood me everytime. All that I've sacrificed, are for nothing. I guess its just a future that I tried so hard to reach but failed. Maybe I just wasn't good enough for him. I dun deserve him.

Though the pain of seeing him with someone new is crushing, but if its what he wants and is for the best for him, I wish him all happiness. N maybe one day, I'll regain my smile again


要說什麼　
杯子都已經空了
閉上眼睛心裡下起大雪　
天寒地凍
是不是到了　
愛情結帳的時候
只剩下各自買單的寂寞
為什麼當我推開門　
他沒有來拉住我
他還不懂　
還是不懂
離開是想要被挽留　
如果開口那只是　
我要來的溫柔
他還不懂　
永遠不懂
一個擁抱能代替所有
愛絕對能夠動搖我
要用什麼　
融化這一片沉默
在四周的冷空氣裡歎息　
化成煙飄走
過去的種種　
在心裡滾成雪球
怕還沒說話淚就會先流
愛不是他給得不多　
是不知道我要什麼
都是背了太多的心願
流星才會跌的那麼重
愛太多　
心也有墜毀的時候
在第一時間拯救我

和男朋友说了好久，好久。哭了，闹了，始终没结果。若我昨晚没打给他，他也不打算联络我。那他就打算这样让我离开？好失望，好失望。但是，心里的痛楚，难以形容。一位和我共处一年的至爱，把我们的感情看得那么肤浅；不了解女友的心，心里的感叹却不能和人诉说，好痛苦。

但是我还得忍，因为 he is my choice. N if I choose to be with him, this is the path I have to take.

这几天带妹妹上学，不禁得早起。自己的睡眠，又不充足。还得到处跑，整个人觉得好累，好累。学校的压力又增加，希望自己能够坚强地坚持下去!


夜已深，但是疲惫的我，仍然还睡不着。
心里不知为什么，有一种茫然失措的感觉。
而这感觉，在心里已经憋了很久。
可是外表强硬的我，不曾和别人说。
深信自己的问题，应该自己解决。
也不敢和最至爱的男朋友说。
在兵营里的他，问题和烦恼也很多。
把这种琐碎的问题告诉他，也许会增加他的负担。
雪上加霜，我们正在冷战。

还记得很久以前，忙于谈恋爱的我们，答应过彼此对什么事情都要坦白，不许向对方隐瞒。
但也许拍拖的时间太长了。1 年 4 个月，想必已经把对方成为一个理所当然的事。
加上在生活里应接不暇的琐碎事，相信彼此的关系可能渐渐的疏远，变淡了。
也许是时候 spend some quality time with each other. 但是还在冷战的我们，是否会把一层厚厚的冰块融化?

I know that in a relationship, there will always be one party who will put in more effort to make the relationship work. 可为什么要是我? Shouldn't both parties put in equal effort if a relationship is always about 2 persons not 1? 但身边的好朋友却跟我说过, "Though he should put in an equal amount of effort, but if u truly love someone, you won't find it a chore going the extra mile for him. Coz at the end of the day when you look back, it is your actions that took your relationship this far. Would you rather put in the extra effort to keep him? Or lose him as your partner?"

虽然对她来说，这或许是一件容易办到的事。但对我却好难办到.
一向大女人主意，好胜心强的我，除非自己做错了，从不向任和人道歉。
但对男朋友，我却做到了。
也许无形中，已经对男朋友产生种依赖。
生命里没有他，变的好空虚。
所以，无论他做错什么，都忍。
忍着，忍着，也许渐渐的丧失了自己。
只希望我所付出的，能有所回报。
不需要太张扬，好好的疼我，爱我下半辈子就好了。
这冷战，还不知要持续多久。
但想必我明天应该就会向他道歉，虽然自己没有做错事。

When deep injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive.
Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future - Mary Karen Read
(her final journal entry, before being killed in the Virginia Tech Shooting)

失业了那么久，因钱的短缺得去找工。
到了外头，才发现自己已经生疏了，好无价值。
去了那么多面试，无疑于是想好好的找一份工安置下来。
谁知道，已去了8个面试，都没被招聘。
想必，都是自己的问题。经验不足，口才不佳。
对我而言，尽力了，不该后悔。
但是，每次望着不会响的手机，都有种失落感。
是不是自己做得不好，还是被人击败了？
心理挫败的感觉，都不是一杯雪糕就能解决的事。
也许，自己应该 have more understanding about the industry 才踊跃地跨进去吧！

从明天开始，得努力的读好书，希望男朋友的姐姐那儿能推荐我一份工。
那么，钱就不用愁了。知识和经验充足，以后一定能心想事成。
Edith, 加油哦！


Bf's at a chalet while I am stuck at home.
Have been waiting for 6 hrs now and he is still not here.
I am getting impatient.
N at the same time my insides are turning.
I dunno y, just have a very anxious feeling.
Am I getting clingy?

Its just so weird that I am at home while he is out there enjoying himself and I am not there.
Wonder if he remembers that I am at home waiting for him.
I've already tried to distract myself by doing housework for the past 3 hrs...
But he is still not here. I even thought of going for a jog.
Wonder if I should give him a call...
GAH! I need to take my mind off it.

Time for me to think about my priorities and inspect my lifestyle.
The $358 balance that is in my bank account hit me right in the face today.
I am going broke.
I need a job for the cash, but yet I am unwilling to work full time for there are other opportunities that are presented to me.
What should I do?
If I do what I enjoy I won't be able to survive.
But if I do not, the job searching process is so tedious.
Dozens of resumes sent and 1 failed interview later, I feel like giving up the rat race altogether.

Life's a BITCH sometimes.

-edited-

He is still at that place. After making me wait for 6 hrs.
He doesn't have the slightest clue that I am tired, frustrated and mad for having to wait for him.
Y must everything be about him?
Y must I consider his feelings when he didn't even consider mine?
I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR HIM LIKE AN IDIOT AND ALL HE DOES IS ENJOY HIMSELF!
But when I do that, all I get are scoldings from him.
That I don't know how to watch the time.
That there is someone waiting for me at home.
EVERYTHING IS SO FUCKING UNFAIR.
I feel like picking up a fight when I called and found out that he was still at the chalet.
Leaving in 10 mins?
By the time u reach here its FUCKING 4 in the morning.
U MIGHT AS WELL JUST STAY THERE AND TAKE THE FIRST BUS HOME.
DUN BOTHER COMING HERE TO LOOK FOR ME AND ENTERTAIN ME WHEN YOU HAVE FUN SOMEWHERE ELSE.
FUCK OFF.


Nothing much interesting to blog about these days...

Other than the fact that my Baby's coming back...HAHA =D

FINALLY HE IS GOING TO PASS OUT FROM THAT GOD FORSAKEN PLACE CALLED TEKONG =D

After taking him away from me for so long the Singapore army decided to give him back to me.

N he shall be mine and mine only =)

I miss him so much and am looking forward to spending time with him...

Hope he gets posted into a unit that lets him book out everday...

Den we can spend more qualiy time with each other.

Weekends are so precious to us know i treasure every single moment with him.

I want to spend the rest of my life with him =)

Just a meaningful song that I feel relates to the guys around me that still harbour a hope somehow...wished they could know.

Kelly Clarkson - Already Gone

Remember all the things we wanted?
Now all the memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high, yeah
Never would've worked out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die
I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you
Now I can't stop
I want you to know
That it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone
Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry
Started with a perfect kiss then
We could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you
So I love you enough to let you go
I want you to know
That it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone
I'm already gone
I'm already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone
Already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone
(Already gone)
(Already gone)
(Already gone)
Already gone
Already gone
Already gone, yeah
Remember all the things we wanted?
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
I want you to know
That it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone
I'm already gone
Already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone
Already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone